I’ve had about ten years of experience, so that practically makes me an expert in the subject. If all of the below applies during a particular time of the month, then there’s about a 73% chance of it being the emotional symptom of PMS. That is considered pretty high, since…it’s 23% more than half the possibility. If you are in the remaining 27% category, then that just means you’re…well, a bitch. Where do I get these numbers from? Again, 10 years of experience, expert level.

1. Easily agitated.

An annoying ring tone from the stranger that sits 2 tables away from you in a crowded fast food restaurant makes you want to punch someone. A comment/pointless phrases/ uninteresting stories from friends make you wanna stare at them with scrunched up eye brows and squinted eyes emanating judgmental emotion. Also, you are convinced that everything that is wrong in the world has got nothing to do with you. Thus, the blame is on every one else, which makes you even more pissed at people, including the ones you don’t know.

2. Excessive cursing.

Your reply in curses is faster than anyone can say “fuck”. Your tone for every word in your sentences regardless of what the context might be, makes them sound offensive and vulgar. However, the expressions of your face will remain calm and collected while your replies are anything but becoming.

3. Sudden lack of care for the news

For one week, on a monthly basis, you realize that you can’t keep up with any conversations that revolves around current events that are happening in the world. You would rather listen to the ridiculous songs they play on the radio than catch up on the morning news update. During this time, your knowledge on controversial lyrics of the latest songs they play on air will increase by 200%. This is probably due to the fact that nobody gives a fuck what stocks are plummeting when the lining of the uterus is shredding.

4. Random need to cry

Nothing in particular will trigger it and  you do not necessarily need to be in tears or go on a sobbing trance. You will simply feel like crying. No further explanation needed.

At times like this, it is best to avoid:

1. Annoying over crowded places.

2. Contact with people to reduce the need to curse.

3. Discussions on world politics.

4. White bottoms.

5. Chuck Palahniuk novels (feel free to finish them after this phase is over).

P/S: Also, it is best to always have an emergency chocolate bar at hand. It temporarily fixes point number 1, 2 and 4.